I used to drink heavily every night

I’m not one who believes in meta­physics, or secret energies that a person might be harbouring. So, when Jessica offered to do a few sessions with me I accepted for friendship’s sake, let’s say to not offend her. Throughout our first session I had the faint smile on my lips of ‘I don’t believe in these things, but I have some spare time on my hands’.

When I came out I felt vigorous and light. I attributed it to the diet I had been following since some 5 months. In the middle of our second session suddenly a strange emptiness filled me. It wasn’t like a faintness that numbs you, but more like a liveliness. The day before I had bought a new brand of drinking water. For sure that must have been the reason. Meanwhile, for some reason that meaningful smile of mine had vanished.

In the next session symbolically and with her special ritual she rearranged a bone in my chest. That same evening I met with a group of friends. ‘Something has happened to you,’ they said. ‘How come your eyes are shining like that? Did you win the lottery, or are you in love?’

‘It must be the weather. Summer is coming,’ I said.

Next, she started breaking down a rather large and thick wall she said there was around my heart. This took a number of sessions. Over and over again I had to return to my past, which was interesting, just like the symbol of that wall. Finally she said she had eliminated it.

When I left Jessica I walked down the road that I had walked perhaps a million times, but this time there were so many interesting things to see, so many details. Where ever I looked I saw pretty things that must always have been there, only I had never noticed them. Colours, people, smells, lives…

Then it came to the session during which the ‘addictive energy’ was cleared. That was the last of our sessions.

That evening I had guests. And boy, did they flatter me. ‘You have changed so much, you look younger, more full of smiles, like some incredible life force has come into you…’ That’s what they said. I was about to say it was due to my diet, but then I stopped. I had seen these people before I had started my sessions with Jessica, and then I was on a diet too. I shrugged. ‘Don’t worry about it, don’t make the rakı (liquor) wait,’ I said to myself.

A little note for who is interested: I drink every night. Or no, I used to drink every night, I ought to say. And with vigour. Not just one or two glasses.

Anyway, together with my friends I raised my glass. We shouted our traditional ASPAVA! (May God give us health, money and love) and I put the glass to my mouth. But now what happened? I didn’t want to drink! Me, and not being able to drink rakı? That’s a total anomaly! That evening I had trouble finishing one glass. And I felt great. It wasn’t because I was sick. This state lasted also for the following days. My addiction to alcohol seemed to have diminished. It made me think about what I had gone through over the last weeks and I asked myself: does the first sentence I wrote in this this piece really still reflect the real me?

Zeynel A. K., Istanbul, Turkey